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The Poetry of Glenn Beck

The geniuses at Salon have brilliantly taken transcripts from Fox New douchebag, Glenn Beck and put them, verbatim, in verse. The result a somewhat more fantastic than can be described in prose:


At first, the idea of the Forgotten Man was
The little orphan that was in the middle here and
Everybody forgot that, and government and
The businessman was happy and
Playing the role of government is Jesus because
I think that’s who we have as president now, and so …
What would happen is this guy would be happy and
This guy would be happy, but the little orphan
Was left out, but now the Forgotten Man; help me out on this;
Now the Forgotten Man, Jesus, decides that he
Is going to help out the little orphan person; so …

You, no longer wearing the top hat and no longer happy,
And of course, the little orphan boy now has a crack pipe and
Octomom is back here with her tentacles; OK,
There’s Octomom; Jesus decides to take the money from you
Now, and then he gives it to Octomom.

Tons more here, here, and here. I’ve also included a couple other favorites after the jump.


Let’s say you are in Saudi Arabia
Where nobody’s ever heard of the Trinity.
You’re a Catholic. Nobody’s ever heard of
The Trinity. What, the Trinity?

What, it’s three in one,
They’re everywhere and nowhere.
Jesus is on the cross
But he’s really God.

So God has died but
Yet he didn’t die
And how does this –
Imagine you’ve never heard this before.

So you’ve never heard
Any kind of explanation.
So it works.
You know what I mean?


You stand up for the border,
You’re a racist.
Are you really a racist?
I’m not a racist.


It’s time to stop playing
Games in this country.
It is time to actually believe
In something. I do.
I know you do as well.
Believe in something.
Even if it’s wrong.


  1. Halden,
    That was amazing. Thank you so much. “Amazed”(vol. 3) made me laugh until I cried.

    Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 10:48 pm | Permalink
  2. Chris wrote:

    Verily I say unto thee, if you do not agree with someone, call them a douchebag, that is the true spirit of God.

    Sunday, April 5, 2009 at 6:31 am | Permalink
  3. Bobby Grow wrote:

    What do you expect, Glenn is an LDS . . . you really expect Him to be of the ‘true spirit of God’? How could he be?

    I’ve watched Glenn for the last while, and have become frustrated with Him. His passion is laudable, but you know what the bible says about “zeal without knowledge.”

    Sunday, April 5, 2009 at 6:27 pm | Permalink

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