Skip to content

John Piper’s Latest Statement

"In a controversial sermon yesterday, John Piper argued that gay men would be cured if they could only experience the joy of squeezing a good pair of breasts."

Credit for this one-liner goes to Ben Myers. You funny, funny Aussie.

35 Comments

  1. Cortney wrote:

    Ha! That’s hilarious.

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 4:19 pm | Permalink
  2. roger flyer wrote:

    Ben!

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 6:13 pm | Permalink
  3. andrewbourne wrote:

    I am sure all lesbians would agree which they would still be lesbian

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 10:36 pm | Permalink
  4. andrewbourne wrote:

    sorry I meant to say they would still be lesbians

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 10:42 pm | Permalink
  5. tiro wrote:

    As a woman, that doesn’t inspire laughter at all. It’s just crass and not fitting for a Christian to say in public IMO.

    Friday, August 21, 2009 at 11:49 pm | Permalink
  6. Paul wrote:

    http://blogs.lifeway.com/blog/edstetzer/driscoll.jpg

    Replace “John Piper” with “Mark Driscoll” in that quote, and replace that photo with this one, and it still works

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 1:40 am | Permalink
  7. kim fabricius wrote:

    “Squeezing”?

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 1:49 am | Permalink
  8. steph wrote:

    andrew – in the case of lesbians it would be squeezing a good pair of balls.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 4:34 am | Permalink
  9. Ben Myers wrote:

    Actually, the Driscoll picture is clearly referring to buttocks.

    Good point, Kim. Now that I look at the picture again, it’s clearly a fondle rather than a squeeze.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 4:57 am | Permalink
  10. roger flyer wrote:

    Squeeze or fondle, he looks like he’s ‘Enjoying God’s’ handi-work.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 8:28 am | Permalink
  11. Halden wrote:

    Remember, Christian moniker or no, this boy’s a hedonist through and through.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 9:11 am | Permalink
  12. kim fabricius wrote:

    And, hey, Piper likes tall women, doesn’t he?

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 9:25 am | Permalink
  13. Is it crass because of the subject matter and that it may look like a few people are making dirty jokes like junior highers or that it hits very close to reality — taking Piper’s theology to its conclusion that would want to simply ‘educate’ gay/lesbian Christians out of their homosexuality (which is not unusual in such fundamentalist/conservative realms) hedonism into Piper’s hedonism? Personally, I think his theology is crass and the jokes expose this.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 12:23 pm | Permalink
  14. a.b.e. wrote:

    Did Piper really say this? If he did he should be belted.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 7:38 pm | Permalink
  15. a.b.e. wrote:

    I don’t care for John Piper. But if he didn’t say this we should not joke around as if he did. This could unintentionally get spread around as a real quote from him.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 7:44 pm | Permalink
  16. Cortney wrote:

    Does anything bring you laughter?

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 8:19 pm | Permalink
  17. Cortney wrote:

    Ben you’re hilarious.

    Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 9:09 pm | Permalink
  18. Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)
    “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 5:42 am | Permalink
  19. Ben Myers wrote:

    That’s a very good point, Deek. I hope we’ll all remember that advice next time we make public pronouncements about gays and tornados…

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 8:59 am | Permalink
  20. a.b.e. wrote:

    Cortney, to be honest I agree with Tiro. It didn’t inspire laughter in me either. I’m sure Ben didn’t mean to offend either Tiro or myself – but he did.

    I’m sure he was just taking Piper’s views and putting words to what people assumed Piper meant. But as much as I dislike Piper’s views on women, I think he sees his wife as much more than a pair of breasts.

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 12:24 pm | Permalink
  21. MadPriest wrote:

    This would backfire on Mr Piper. Within hours hundreds of thousands of spotty, geeky looking young males would be outing themselves as homosexual and asking where they sign up for his ex-gay courses. Of course, that would throw his stats way out. Saying that homosexuality is unnatural because only 70% of adolescent boys and young men admit to being gay doesn’t come across as very convincing.

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 12:26 pm | Permalink
  22. Ben Myers wrote:

    Fair enough, I do apologise for the offence. And for what it’s worth, it originated just as a joke on Facebook, between friends. So I hadn’t intended any offence to anybody (except maybe Piper, who really should be lampooned for making statements like that!).

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm | Permalink
  23. Halden wrote:

    I deserve any and all blame for reproducing it in this context.

    However, I would posit that there is nothing as wholesome as a good pair of breasts. I stand by that.

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 1:43 pm | Permalink
  24. Ryan wrote:

    I have some questions.
    Who here is attracted to women?
    Are you married?
    Are you married and still attracted to women?
    Do you act on your attraction to women that are not your wife?
    If not, congratulations you just showed restraint from acting on your lustful desires. If you can do it so can a homosexual and therefore stay out of sin. Its not unreasonable.

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 8:46 pm | Permalink
  25. Ben Myers wrote:

    Ryan, that’s a brilliant analogy, but I think you might have overlooked one tiny detail: from time to time a married person might also feel attracted to (and wish to have sex with) their spouse.

    If you’re married but never engage in this sort of thing, “then congratulations, you just showed restraint from acting on your lustful desires: if you can do it, so can a homosexual. It’s not unreasonable.”

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 9:53 pm | Permalink
  26. Halden wrote:

    That’s right, Ben. If people are going to use analogies about this they should at least be straight about it. Wait…

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 10:03 pm | Permalink
  27. Ryan wrote:

    A man occasionally feeling attracted to and having sex with his spouse is irrelevant though. I used that analogy because I was trying to get you to a point where you see that there is something your holding onto (in this case fidelity to your wife) or better yet a commitment to God (which unfortunately was not something I could I could count on with the group we have here) that prevents you from acting out on your desires. The point is that due to the fall we all struggle with lust at the same level each day/moment, whether your gay or straight. Just because you have sex with your wife on occasion doesn’t mean your less inclined to have an affair. Sex is like food, just because you have eaten it doesn’t mean that you are not hungry two hours later. Therefore you are tempted at every moment and could possibly stumble, unless you have made a commitment.

    There are men that just are not attracted to their wives, maybe because of age or health problems or admirably they married someone that they just appreciate for personality reasons. This requires commitment and is honorable. This lifestyle and character attribute are open to homosexuals and they are not alone in that experience.

    Also there is a life of celibacy that is an option for homosexuals and they are not alone either. There are many that are living this same lifestyle, it is honorable too.

    I maintain my argument that refraining from desires (emotional or sexual) is not unreasonable it is honorable.

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 8:18 am | Permalink
  28. kim fabricius wrote:

    Ryan, in Christian tradition “celibacy” is a calling (not just an “option”) to living in an unmarried (caelebs) state and, ipso facto, abstaining from sexual intercourse, which, however – and crucially – is understood not to be instrinsically sinful. It is therefore a theological solecism to speak (as, I’m afraid, many do) of homosexual celibacy if one considers gay/lesbian sex to be wrong in all circumstances. That is, only if one acknowledges the potential blessedness of homosexual partnerships should one speak of a homosexual vocation to celibacy.

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 9:14 am | Permalink
  29. roger flyer wrote:

    This recent turn makes me want to make my love to my incredibly sexy and wonderful wife…
    Bye.

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 3:03 pm | Permalink
  30. roger flyer wrote:

    er…I will make my love as well as make love to her.

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 3:04 pm | Permalink
  31. Cortney wrote:

    Hmmm well he could be on his knees. ;)

    Nahhhh

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 3:41 pm | Permalink
  32. Andrew wrote:

    “or better yet a commitment to God (which unfortunately was not something I could I could count on with the group we have here)”

    Whoah Ryan. Are you seriously implying that Halden’s theology blog and readership is inherently non-Christian? How banally absurd of you.

    Thanks for sharing Halden. The best part is, I totally believed you for a second.

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 4:54 pm | Permalink
  33. Halden wrote:

    Koorgay!!!

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 4:57 pm | Permalink
  34. Andrew wrote:

    I languish in the calm waters of your deep blue eyes.

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 6:18 pm | Permalink
  35. Koooooooy!

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 6:59 pm | Permalink

Switch to our mobile site