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Why Men Shouldn’t be Ordained

To good to pass up re-posting this:

10. A man’s place is in the army.

9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibilities of being a parent.

8. Their physical build indicates that men are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be “unnatural” for them to do other forms of work.

7. Man was created before woman. It is therefore obvious that man was a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. This is easily demonstrated by their conduct at football games and watching basketball tournaments.

5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshipers.

4. To be ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more frequently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes by any means other than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, change the oil in the church vans, and maybe even lead the singing on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the Church.

1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

12 Comments

  1. Truly awesome.

    Friday, September 11, 2009 at 1:46 pm | Permalink
  2. kim fabricius wrote:

    11. Jesus did not ordain men. He did not ordain women either, of course – but two wrongs don’t make a right.

    Friday, September 11, 2009 at 1:55 pm | Permalink
  3. Brilliant. I’m re-posting this.

    Friday, September 11, 2009 at 2:38 pm | Permalink
  4. It seems to me that the only solution must include robots.

    Friday, September 11, 2009 at 3:11 pm | Permalink
  5. Theophilus wrote:

    Or eunuchs. Seriously, we could just take Matthew 19:12 really literally.

    Friday, September 11, 2009 at 3:40 pm | Permalink
  6. Ben Currin wrote:

    Haha funny stuff.

    Friday, September 11, 2009 at 3:42 pm | Permalink
  7. Jon Trott wrote:

    Thank you. I didn’t laugh all that much, more like winced. Spot on.

    Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 10:19 am | Permalink
  8. Rob wrote:

    Is this from the appendix of Reuther’s “Catholic does not equal the Vatican”?

    Sunday, September 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm | Permalink
  9. Kim Sanford wrote:

    Absolutely love it!

    Sunday, September 20, 2009 at 5:59 pm | Permalink
  10. Brenda wrote:

    Wonderful!!! ROFL!!!

    Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 12:32 pm | Permalink
  11. Cortney wrote:

    This is hilariously brilliant.

    Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 1:35 pm | Permalink
  12. Pauline Chalfant wrote:

    I wonder why no one pointed out another obvious reason why men shouldn’t be ordained, at least in liturgical denominations — these clergy wear robes, or gowns, which are traditionally women’s clothing. Scripture clearly forbids it, & I’m sure God would consider it an abomination for men in robes to preach the Word & administer the sacraments.

    Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 5:00 pm | Permalink

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